May 11, 2002
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Mother's Day
Hey it's mother's day here tomorrow. I am cooking dinner for Marc's mum, and I am gonna make sure I steal a little time away from the chaos to bop around to Motown with the pint size diva who made me a mother.
And I also want to wish my own mother all the love and hugs that I am too far away to give her. My mother taught me everything I know about motherhood. It's because of her, that I am a good mum. And I wish she understood just how much I love her. And how much I miss her.
She taught me that it's okay to have flaws. My mum isn't perfect - I have memories of her chasing me up the stairs with a wooden spoon, of losing it with me as I sassed her as only a smart 12 year old can, and of causing her a great deal of pain and grief over some of the choices I made. And she let me know that she cried.
She taught me that you don't have to agree. She has some funny ideas. But I won't laugh about them in public anymore - I've grown up. And I don't debate them anymore - I have nothing to prove by winning, except that I can. And this isn't a battle, it's my family.
She taught me forebearance. I gave her grey hairs and worry lines. She caught me drinking underage in punk clubs at 15. She bore it when I left home and lived with a guy 10 years older than me.
She bore up bravely when I eloped and married a guy she didn't like.
She taught me to expect anything. She winged her reactions through my interesting career choices, and held my shoulders when I wept when my first marriage was over. She waved goodbye to me at the airport when I left to come here, knowing that this was probably for good, and that it would be a long time between return visits. She supported me even knowing how ill-prepared and how naive I was. She knew I had to do it. She let me make my own mistakes. She loved me enough to do this.
She taught me to accept whatever your child hands you. She never told me she thought I was a fuckup. Even though, I disappointed her too many times, I think. And I still cause her worry and heartbreak even now. Without even trying, it seems.
She taught me forgiveness. She allowed me to sneer, to be rude about her choice to opt out of a career, and she let me pontificate with the arrogance of ignorant youth. She loved me anyway. I made her so angry she spluttered, and made her cry - more than once, I am ashamed to say.
She taught me love. She never backed off, she never shut me down - she loved me. No matter what. When we disagreed, we did so loudly and emotionally - and when we hugged and made up, it was unreservedly.
We still fight, she still makes me mentally roll my eyes, and I am sure she despairs of me in my ongoing dramas.
But I love her, and I miss her, and I feel so very far away. And if I learned one thing about being a good mother, it's that it never stops, it can't be quantified and it can't be rationed. A mother's love - a force to be reckoned with.
My mother loves me - of that I have no doubt. And when you know that, there isn't much the world can throw at you that will tip you under.
Now go and call your mother.
Comments (16)
Tomorrow Iwill write a letter to my mother, then take it outside and burn it in her memory.
What a beautiful tribute to your mother.
I think I'll tie my letter to a helium balloon and let it go.
Stress - beautifully put, as always. I hope you enjoy your day with the pint sized diva.
well said, as usual.
I have nothing to prove by winning, except that I can. And this isn't a battle, it's my family.
This line, among all of the other excellent lessons, jumped at me as one of significance.
Your mother may have taught you much but you have also learned. This too says a lot. Thanks for the great blog.
Steve
Wonderful as always...
Your mom sure made a kick ass you.
LOVE.
Happy Mother's Day! Best wishes to you and your family!!
bravo darlin
sweet. I would go call my mom right now, but I think it would just piss her off because it is 6am. but I will call her later.
oh all right.
Beautiful entry, Stress! Mouse is a very lucky girl to have both you and her grandma in her life : -)
Very aptly put!
thats exactly how I feel about my mom, you know what it is? They are truly our BEST friends. I mean really, think about it.
She's a handsome woman. Tough yet kind. A good heritage you have there. I think part of what makes them who and what they are is the crap we put them through.
You're so lucky to have the mother you do, and she must be so proud of you. Your little Mouse will no doubt be saying wonderful things like this about you one day.
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