November 26, 2001


  • Some Musings on Motherhood, Sacrifice and Working in an Office:
    I waited until I was almost 40 to have my first child, because I thought I knew the sacrifices that were required. I was right about most of them - I travelled, so I didn't resent my daughter for removing the possibility of travelling for pleasure for a very long time. I worked hard and long at my career, so I could get a  measure of self respect and income that I was proud of.  I partied, did every substance known to humanity, so that it was out of my system when I became a mother.
    I am fine with what I gave up.
    What I wasn't prepared for was the complete lack of support given to mothers who want to stay in the work force in some capacity. High quality day care is priced out of reach in Sydney for all but the obscenely wealthy. Daycare runs from 50 - 85 per day. Waiting lists are over a year long. Nannies (the best of all possible worlds) are $500-800 a week. I was faced with the choice of taking a lower paying job that allowed me to 'make up hours at home' and work only a couple of days a week, or work full time at my old job (80 hour weeks) and work primarily to pay childcare.
    So much trumpeting is done by experts to say that the most important part of a child's life is the age from 0-3, the age when they form bonds with people. learn to socialise, develop the confidence that comes from feeling secure and master basic skills like speaking and thinking.
    And then we get other experts telling us that in order for women to be taken seriously economically, we can't opt out of the workforce to raise children.
    What's a mother who is a feminist to do?
    After doing all the research, I wanted to stay home full time. But being out of the workforce for 3 years would finish me. And if my husband left me after I'd sacrificed my career, I'd have no choice but to go on welfare or work at the poverty line. Which given the cost of daycare, would be impossible - I'd be working to pay childcare again, only in a really dead-end job.
    What every country needs is highquality child care so women can continue to work and maintain their financial security.
    What I think:
    There should be affordable subsidised daycare and pre-schools so that mothers who want to, or have to work, can do so knowing that their children are being looked after properly.
    Women try to juggle a career and family should be applauded for trying to make the most of their experience and education and contributing to the tax coffers and offered a helping hand in the form of flex-time, or job sharing.
    Women who stay home to be with their kids should be applauded for sacrificing their own lives to ensure that their kids are loved and well looked after - and for giving a damn about how their kids grow up.
    As has been bellowed by everyone from the new left, the old right, the new right and the old left - children are our future. How we deal with kids and who looks after them says a lot about how much we value our future.