February 21, 2003

  • Spinning.


    Don't know whether I am coming or going. I spent such a lot of time feeling guilty about bringing another child into Mouse's world, worried she'd feel neglected, worried she'd feel unloved.


    Well BAH.


    All I want is for my oldest child to leave my youngest child the HELL alone. Stop patting her, stop shrieking with glee when bub burps and startling her onto the ceiling, stop sneaking sucks of her pacifier, stop jumping up and down to entertain her - just. stop.


    Before my head swells into an ectoplasmic bubble and I wish you into the netherworld.


    My first daughter has never looked so huge, so unwieldy, so dangerous. She doesn't mean to, but every movement she makes is one that fills me with panic that my youngest child will end up splattered all over the carpet.


    Somehow, I need to let go of this. Or I will have a little first girl who's feeling seriously unloved and unwanted. It's hard to find the time to spend with her - when the newborn sucks every ounce of energy out of your body like a remora. And it's hard not to resent my bouncing big girl when  she hurtles through the house at top speed, yelling some sort of nonsense that only 3 weeks ago - I'd have found charming, but now I find just plain annoying. After all, it usually wakes the baby.


    And I find myself, perversely resenting that inevitably, the minute I sit down to cuddle with my big girl, to read her some stories, to smell her and get some of that motherlovin' feeling back - No#2 child starts caterwauling and I have to stop and tend to her. Not fair.


    *sigh*


    And as for No#2 child. I have realised with a cold dark knowledge, that for the next 9 months or so - what I see is what I get. No feedback, little interaction - just a lovely warm blob who wants to suck suck suck all day and rip explosions in her nappies. After experiencing the delights of an articulate cuddly toddler, holding out for that first smile or that first garbled word from No.#2 child  is going to feel like strip mining.


    This motherhood gig. Just when you think you have it ALL worked out, it throws you a curve.


    Stay tuned, I am  sure there will be all sorts of interesting dramas in the weeks to come.

Comments (10)

  • Wonderful! And it reminds me so well of my own experiences when our second daughter came.

    I know it's all seeming chaotic at the moment but the good news is that while the chaos never improves, your ability to deal with it will...

    Have fun with both your girls!

  • Parenting is definitely not for the weak or faint of heart.

    Steve

  • TPWM was/is my role model...I watched her daughter rough up her little sister and I realized that second sibs just don't get the peace and quiet afforded to first-time-arounders, but they never know it could be different, either.

  • Just remember, babies are made of rubber, toddlers are made of lead (unless they're the mewling whiny type, which yours isn't).  I haven't figured out what WE'RE made of yet...

    XOXO

  • i'm sure you'll cope just fine.

    i had 3 with 2 year spacings: its hard with the new baby, but i found if they are both crying and needing motherloving, to tend to the needs of the older first, who is conscious enough to resent the new baby if it is suddenly being pushed to grow up and loses its familiar mother relationship - where as the new baby doesn't resent the old if it has to wait a little longer - i'd explain to the older bub the new baby is her baby and i am looking after her for you...

    ...its hard... but.... everyone survives

  • You'll hit your stride soon, Stress.  It's only been a couple of days!  I promise it will get better. 

  • don't worry, I didn't hate my little sister until she was old enough to talk.

  • That was painfully honest, baby. I know you will learn to cope and you havce only reminded me that I should NEVER have another. :) Love you

  • you just can't possibly imagine how much your firstborn will grow during the two days you're in the hospital, can you?  when i left, i left behind a baby.  when i came back, i found a huge unwieldy odd-smelling child.  it was like being in the damn twilight zone.  i have to admit, i loved the baby the best for awhile, becusae she was so small.  then i loved the boy the best, becuase he didn't need me every damn second of every damn day.  it's a fucking rollercoaster sometimes.   i'll wave to you from the top of the next hill...

  • There is only 13 months between my first and second so I had two babies. What I found helped was I got my oldest a doll and when I fed the baby he fed his doll. He also bathed it, changed nappies and put it to bed as well. By looking after his baby his attention was on the doll and jealously wasn't a problem.

    I also got my mum to help by watching the baby for an hour every few days and I would take my son to the park. He loved it and he also got rid of a lot of energy so he was quieter when we went home.

    But hang in there it does get easier......eventually. 

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