April 27, 2002
-
Wow.
It's been a week since I wrote. I haven't been online that much. I needed to do some thinking and sorting through. Really sorting through.
It's been an odd week - things once again very rocky on the home front, and well... the line was drawn in the sand. It remains to be seen how the domestic drama plays out. Either way - it's got to be better than it's been. Or at least that is what I choose to believe. That's what I think right now.
Trying to get the house in order, since we are looking to sell it and make some money out of Sydney's crazy real estate market. I have a yen to move further up the coast away from people. Have I mentioned I have hermit-like tendencies? I think I like solitude a lot - and being farther away from my mother-in-law would be a good thing. She doesn't help.
And maybe starting over is what we need. We haven't had any time without Mouse since she was born, with the exception of a weekend when we went back home for my sister's wedding - and my mum and dad looked after her. There is simply no one here to take her. My mother in law is both derepit and foolish. My friends are all on their second babe with a toddler in tow - not eager to take on another little hurricane.
And our limited finances mean nights out are not really in the budget - not when a movie and dinner comes to close to $100 once you factor in a babysitter.
No wonder we are exploding under the pressure. But there is no solution so we have to suck it up. So maybe a change is as good as a rest. Maybe a shared goal, shared reliance and no outside influences will bandage some things.
And the alternative is do it alone, which doesn't scare me. I just wonder how much of the issues we have are due to living in a pressure cooker of parenting, altered roles, reduced finances and changed expectations. Seems to me it would be a shame to chuck it all for something that will change as Mouse gets older.
Or will it? That's what I've been wrestling with all week. Adapt or die.
We really haven't much choice. Do we?
*off to catch up with all of you*
Comments (19)
Actually, all you have is choice. You can't change anything around you. All you can do is choose how you are going to perceive your circumstances and how you will act on them.
Steve
I miss you...because, of course, it's all about me.
kiss kiss
i thought it was all about me...(hurt & confused)
smooch, too.
I wish I knew the answer. I think you are the sort that will always adapt rather than die, sweetheart:)
It's a hell of a position to be in, Stress. Our situation is similar. It's a bitch trying to make the "right" call. I think both of us know that in the long run, we will make the right decision. I've been thinking about you since you wrote last. I'm glad to see you back.
I enjoy solitude also. I agree with Steve (I seem to say this a lot!). Perhaps if you reframe your perception of things, then maybe there is a solution that will materialize. Good luck.
wow, that sounds like a real bind...i wish i had an answer for you...i agree with rajah about how your perception controls your state of mind, but i don't think you can meditate your way out of this...everything is a cost/balance calculation and it's hard to balance your stress vs somebody elses benefit...i'm not a parent, so i'm not qualified to comment much further
good luck in finding some peace of mind, though
You make a lot of sense to me. I think you're moving in the right direction. Time will tell. I wish you and your family all the best. I really do. You know that.
i hear you on the no time alone thing. if you want it to work you will make it work, but you will also make it work alone if that is what you choose. i know you will find the best path for you and mouse.
Geez girl, I can certainly relate. My husband and I actually had the worst first year of marriage ever. At least...as bad as I could have imagined it to be. We even mentioned the *divorce* word a few times. But, in the end, both of us knew we just weren't meant to be apart and that no matter what, we needed to do whatever it took to work through our problems. Often it's hard to see through all the "adult" things and remember exactly why it is you married that person in the first place!! Hang in there, hon...I really hope things get better for you!! *hugz*
Adjusting IS hard... Moreso for us men, because we are not genetically equipped for it. Sharing a life is a lot of hard work. You CAN make it....... if you are both committed.
hope things get better, sometimes solitude helps
just remember to take care of yourself. you've got the great mom stuff down innately.
I recommend sticking with it. I have a little personal experience in that department. Once you get through to the other side, your life is so much richer. I agree. . . .it's all about how you choose to perceive it, and you are SO strong, YOU can do anything and you know it.
Stay strong, stressy......back to the wind and all that.......I could mention that hardship builds character but I would probably get slapped around by all within the sound of my voice....:)
Stick with it, stress. You know the shit I've been through for the last year and a half -wondering if I should stay or go, was it worth it, blah blah blah. It's worth it. It gets better.
So trite, but everything works out the way it's supposed to. If it's meant to happen (the move), it will. Believe me, I ended up where I am with little to no effort, once we just pointed that way.
I'm so glad you're back, I wondered about you. Just go with it, it'll get better!
It's hard to make a marriage work when you are childless and free to indulge each other with spontaneous affections. Once there is a baby, it seems like its almost impossible. It does get better, but you are wise to search for ways to make it better now. It's a whole lot easier to maintain than to rebuild.
Adapt or die? Yeah, I suppose that just about sums it up these days, doesn't it? I think I am going to print that out and hang it around my house. Or my own version"Become Donna Reed or Die"
.
Miss you, big smooch.
Comments are closed.