April 13, 2002

  • Gone.


    So this great board for mothers on the Net is closing its doors for good. Sad.


    It was a place that I found when I was heavily pregnant with my Mouse and completely and utterly confused as to what it meant to have a child.


    It was a mothering site for all mothers who didn't buy into the cherub cheeked softly sleeping angel mythology of children. Who knew that children are messy and hard work and keep you away from the things you were and are sometimes more effort than anyone else led you to believe. It was a mothering site for women who weren't on the tennis club board, who drove second hand cars, who hadn't spent their whole lives wanting to get married and live in a house with a picket fence. It was a mothering site for women who got angry about the state of the world that they'd brought their kids into, who wanted to do something - instead of just sitting back and plopping the kids in front of Barney.


    It was a place for mothers who thought about what it meant to be a mother and a woman and a sister and a daughter and a partner and an activist and a human being.


    I was an overachieving, control freak when I had my child. 2 days later I was a sobbing mess, contemplating walking under a bus. Thinking that of all the mistakes I'd made in my life, thinking I could do THIS - this mothering gig - was the worst. Debating whether anyone on the street could do a better job.


    I got pointed to that site. And I found support and love and kindness. That place stopped me from spiralling down into a hole so deep that the light of rescue wouldn't even dent the darkness.


    But things change, as all things do.


    I left there a while ago. It got too big. People stopped treating each other like people and started treating each other like usernames. My voice, being middle class and part of the problem - wasn't wanted. People got so busy trying to score debating points that they forgot that there was a human being reacting to their words. Too much anger, too much unkindness, too much ugliness.


    I got tired of re-reading pleas for understanding from women whose skin was darker than mine. Why the fuck were they still needing to educate a supposedly smart user population? Why weren't people getting it? How many times must a mother of colour talk about predjudice to white mothers before she gives up in sadness and resignation? We are supposed to be her sisters.


    I got tired of feeling like I was the establishment when I knew I wasn't. I felt judged on my background and on my privileges, not on my heart.


    People kept taking the easy way out of debates. It was more about belittling rather than educating; more about condemnation rather than enlightenment.


    I guess people got tired.


    But hey. For all the bitterness and dramas and nastiness that happened over the past year - the place was still unique. It didn't treat mothers as people who'd lost their intellect by virtue of giving birth. There were thought provoking discussions, and people donating their time and efforts into making a difference.


    So I couldn't stand the heat. Big deal. That doesn't take away what wonderful people I met there. And what incredible ideals those women held dear. I learned a lot about politics, child raising, and fierceness in the face of adversity and love.


    RIP Hipmama, the experiment may be over - but you did make a difference.

Comments (8)

  • amen. it changed my life too immeasurably. RIP and much love and sadness from me too.

    .....another onetime hipmama x

  • I was involved in a parenting site that went the way of the dinosaurs too. Some of the women I've known for over five years now. Fortunately some of the bonds of friendship were strong enough that we followed each other to different sites. Several of them even post here at Xanga.

    I hope it works out the same way for you.

  • Ah...a sad day for ex-hipmonsters.  I sought out hM after a group of grubby guatamalan print wearin' neo hippies passed by me and snuffed and guffawed.  If you can't join 'em in life, join 'em online.

  • And you are still making a difference my little stressie-o.

  • I love the passion of this blog. I like your loyalty to the principles of the group as it started. You don't seem to be bitter that the group morphed into something completely different. You seem to just accept it and go on. I'll bet you are a good mother.

    Steve

  •  so beautiful and heartwarming, even for a place that the welcome mat was not always very welcoming.  I met alot of wonderful people via HM and I only hope to continue those relationships.

    XOXOXO

  • When the oven gets too hot to bake bread in, you can make wonderful puff pastry.  But when it gets too hot to make any sort of edible delectables, it's not really an oven...it's a furnace.

    You've described the life-cycle of the vast majority of digital communities. 

    If only it were limited to the digital.

    "People kept taking the easy way out of debates. It was more about belittling rather than educating; more about condemnation rather than enlightenment."--This is genius.  I like to imagine correspondence as a correspondance...and there is no dancing with an immovable post.  If I am reading this correctly, you are suggesting that the "easy way" is to NOT think.  To NOT seek the middle ground of mutual understanding, to not step onto the dance floor.  Sort of a mental My Country, Right Or Wrong....my beliefs, right or wrong...I'm right, you're wrong, so there...*sticktoungueout*. 

    Your words today brought me joy at an existence, and sadness at a loss.

     

  • wow I remembered when they started, to bad they are gone. But hey it looks like a lot of people got help and advice there so it was worth it, hmm.

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