February 14, 2002
-
Single Mothers
.
So…Yesterday I took Mouse to the library for storytime. (Okay, I figured it would wear her out and then I’d get a nice long stretch of ‘me time’ later). It didn’t work – she was bouncing off the walls.
Hey, single motherhood is T.O.U.G.H. How do you do it?
As much as my hub has been a complete dick lately – he still has managed to give Mousey a bath at least once a week, and he was taking her out for a couple of hours on the weekend. (Okay, he called it ‘babysitting’ but I needed this, badly. I wasn’t about to debate semantics with a man who needs that much explanation of fatherhood.)
I like to see junk movies with lots of violence and guns or movies where there are a lot of uncomfortable costumes where the women have 12 inch waists and big hats. I like to read. Books without pictures, even. I really do. Without Sesame Street songs going off in the background. Without having to change Elmo’s nappy 20 times or hold a sippy cup. I like to paint big messy canvases. I prefer not to be painting my child at the same time. I like to watch mindless crappy cop or legal or medical dramas on TV. I like to have conversations that aren’t centred around kids – you know, politics, religion, civil rights, the state of the world today and why they can’t make chocolate that actually helps you lose weight. (it’s a conspiracy…) I like to order things in restaurants that don’t require me to first ask if a toddler will think it’s stinky-food. This is stuff with olives, or anchovies.
Without time to remember who you were before a child, how do you not get lost? This is what scares me. To be so far down in the hole of mummydom that I never ever climb back out and look around and see what else is going on. How is that good for either of us? She will grow up eventually. After all, that is my job - to bring her into this world totally dependent and then spend my time ensuring that she gets independent enough to leave me.
I love my kid. She helps define me, but she doesn’t define me completely. I love my kid so much it hurts. But she is not me.
I don’t know how a single mother finds the time to remember this. I am in awe of you all.
Comments (11)
I definitely have a healthy respect for single moms. It can't be easy, and they probably have no time to even think straight.
good blog
my friend is 24/7 mum x2. and I mean 24/7. no-one to take her children for a bath or amuse them for ten minutes while she pees/showers/cooks. Kudos to all mums!!
I wouldn't be without my duaghter - it's hard to imagine ehr leaving me... one day at a time
I have only been a single Mom myself for a week. Must be in the air..lol. But, I am finding it incredibly easy. Much easier without having to babysit my husband. I have family and friends who are incredibly supportive. So, last weekend my parents had my kids and in a couple of weeks my sister will take them. So I will have time to be ME!
I don't know how any of you do it. Totally awesome!
Honestly babes, I was supremely happy as a single mom...you're a lot like me. If someone's not moving your way, they're IN your way. Marc is SO in your way. You develope ways of getting what you need. Your successes are all yours, and your failures are too, but at least his failures aren't yours as well.
You know I got your back, no matter what you do or where you go.
Oh, that's how it was! I guess I should have kept reading! Honestly, I don't have kids because I don't see how ANYONE does it!!
Sometimes, I think I have so much me time, I've gone neurotic. So I'm reading your stories about parenthood and feeling pretty envious.
Yep, yep *nods fervently* what she said....
Having been given the wrong genitals at birth, I'm not in any position to wax philosophical on motherhood, but I highly suspect this feeling of being trapped in and loss of identity would be part and parcel (at least occasionally) with something like motherhood.
You shouldn't feel ashamed for feeling temporarily human, it's ok to need your space
I'm no help cuz I'm completely lost! I've been locked away with two toddlers and an 8yo for the past three years! No breaks, no 'me' time, nothing! O.k. every once in a while dh comes out to play (he works waaay too much) and I get to go soak in the tub or run to Walmart with just the 8yo. I am relatively happy but somedays I wonder if I'm just totally insane and just don't realize it yet!
Sure hope your hubby comes home with a new attitude! (((hugs)))
It's tough, yes it is... It's also rewarding when your kids wouldn't want to be with anyone but you, when even though you might lose it sometimes and resent that chain around your waist, you look into the sleepy eyes of your child and they say "I'm sorry, but tomorrow will be a better day, right Mommy?"...a fav catchphrase in our household...I'm so proud of you. ....and I understand.
Comments are closed.