February 8, 2002

•  Thoughts.
  

  

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

  I’ve been thinking, and this is what I think:

  
  

  
  
  1. Little kids should eat the nutritious stuff before they get to eat chocolate.
     
  2. Boy bands suck. Without exception. They all suck.
     
  3. I have never met an attractive computer geek. Why is that?
     
  4. People with the worst taste, never realise it. And they inflict it on the rest of us.
     
  5. Women should not read romance novels. In fact, if they do read romance novels, they should be ashamed of themselves and hide them like they were pornography, which they are. Poorly written stroke books for women.
     
  6. If you don’t eat it right away, don’t wrap it up in tin foil and put it in the fridge. It will only haunt you in 6 months.
     
  7. Public transit delays are in direct proportion to how late you are already.
     
  8. In business, the person with the biggest office and the biggest chair, is the biggest ass.
     
  9. If someone begins a conversation with you that starts with ‘I hate to tell you this but’ – immediately punch him or her in the mouth. You might as well get it over with.
     
  10. Warranties always expire 2 weeks before your appliance blows up and costs you the price of a replacement.
      
  11. You will never ever get all the spilled sugar off the kitchen floor.
      
  12. People who think they can write, usually can’t. Accept your failings, not everyone can write - I don’t think I can write. I just blather but it suits me. Which is why you should write in the first place.
      
  13. All insect life is evil. I will canonise the first person that can justify their existence to me. Birds can eat other shit, like birdseed, or something.
      
  14. Women who plan and long for their wedding days since they were pre-pubescent, are women who will never ever be my friends.
      
  15. Women who care that the drapes match the floor match the sofa match the cushions will never be my friends.
      
  16. Women, who can whip up a dinner for 12 at a whim and still be entertaining and not crabby about the extra work and then help me get stuck into the drink until 3am, will always be my friends.
      
  17. There is very little good poetry that isn’t already published somewhere.*
      
  18. If someone smokes and drinks and swears, I will probably like them.
      
  19. I like women who smoke and drink and swear. I especially like mothers who do this. Go figure.
      
  20. People with trendy haircuts are usually idiots.
      
  21. I will never be a Buddhist, or a good Christian or a good Taoist, or anything that requires that I give up every single one of my vices. I need to make up my own religion – one of excessive indulgence and lack of self denial.
      
  22. Christmas is never as good as you remember it. It was never as good back then either, so just get over it. The only person who thinks it was that good, is your mother.
      
  23. The minute someone asks me if I am saved – I subtract 100 IQ points.
      
  24. Most English Lit majors graduate and then read nothing but murder mysteries. Someone explain that to me.
      
  25. Cover bands are not musicians.
      
  26. I don’t have any regrets except for stuff I shouldn’t have done and was too afraid to. I hate cowards, and I am one.
      
  27. The Internet is not real life. Real life involves people face to face with all their smells, bad hygiene, and uncontrollable behaviour. People who think that the Internet IS as important as real life, need to GET a life.
      
  28. On the other hand, some of my best friends I met over the Internet, and we just haven’t sniffed each other yet.

  
  

  *except Larston who should be published.

  • 12:50 am
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