January 24, 2002

• Tantrums.
  

  How to get a new stove in one easy moment.

  
  

  Yesterday was pelting down rain. And I was stuck inside with a cranky disagreeable toddler.

  
  

  
  
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    We sang ‘The Wheels on the Bus' approximately 30 times (give or take a few).
    
    
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    We put on Funkadelic and bumped and ground our booties for at least 40 minutes.
    
    
  • 
    
    We smooshed play dough and then we poured rice in and out and in and out and in and out of tubs.
    
    
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    We discussed big trucks, what dat?, peety flowers and other riveting bits of conversational fodder for about an hour.
    
    
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    We learned that Sesame Street was brought to us by the letter X and the numbers 1, 4, and 7.

  
  

  This got us to 10am.

  
  

  Trust me, the rest of the day was as thrilling and intellectually satisfying as I interspersed such wild ass fun with vacuuming and unpicking ground in play dough from the carpet.

  
  

  Dinnertime.

  
  

  All I wanted to do was feed my kid some fish fingers. It was hardly the highlight of the day, okay? I wasn't looking forward to it, so it didn't need to be a full-blown production. I wanted to feed, to change, to bathe, to bed. Preferably as fast as possible, cos then Mummy could have a large large large Gin.

  
  

  Turn ceramic stove hob onto to Med-Low. Put fish fingers into pan. Put pan on stove. Pick up Ernie and Bert who are wedged uncomfortably into the saran wrap/aluminum foil drawer.

  
  

  Fish sticks burnt to buggery.

  
  

  Turn ceramic stove hob onto to Low. Put fish fingers into pan. Put pan on stove. Vacuum up rice which is everywhere from the afternoon's volume and measuring experiments.

  
  

  Fish sticks burnt to buggery.

  
  

  Turn ceramic stove hob onto to Lower still. Put fish fingers into pan. Put pan on stove. Pick up little pieces of play dough off bare feet and scrape off kitchen floor with putty knife.

  
  

  Fish sticks burnt to buggery.

  
  

  Turn ceramic stove hob onto to Off and trust in residual heat. Put fish fingers into pan. Put pan on stove. Kiss boo-boo where miniscule grain of rice bruised sensitive toddler feet.

  
  

  Fish sticks burnt to buggery.

  
  

  Take the frying pan and bash the crap out of the offending hob. And then, since it looks like it is still alive and being offensive – bash it again and then kick in the oven door for good measure.

  
  

  Call husband and arrange for shopping trip to buy new stove.

  
  

  Get this one:

  
  

   The hub still doesn't know what happened.

  
  

  Hey, PAYBACK.

  • 7:49 pm
  • 7 Comments