January 20, 2002
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Awake.
Holy shit, I've had 4 hours sleep. It's 4am on a 'work day'. And I am up and online.
Monday mornings. Without fail, Mouse has a crap night's sleep before the work week starts, without fail I stumble through Monday craving a pillow and a good book. I simply cannot go back to sleep after she's wailed and settled, wailed and settled for the best part of an hour. The end of the day looms seductively by about 11am.
Oh yeah, the movie. It was okay. Lots of dwarves and elves and people with pointy ears and women with long hair and serene knowing expressions looking inscrutably at men with noble brows and a heap of leather armour. Not really my thing, but very well done. I got my money's worth.
And we were okay - tho I am still smarting and not giving much up. I am trying to 'get over it' - but really, why the hell should I?
Smoking. Still not smoking, though it is KILLING me. Well it's not anymore, but you get my drift. I ran into an acquaintance at the park yesterday morning, who said her hub had tried Zyban (Wellbutrin for you yanks) and given up completely - but then backslid and was looking to rid himself of the accusing box of pills. So I now have 100+ pills of Zyban which I am going to take. Cos lately, I need all the help I can get. Not even the nasty icky lung picture is stopping the 'I just want a drag' thoughts.
I am dreaming about cigs.
Actually I am dreaming about hobbits on a tropical island with cartons of cigs under their arms, offering me Makers Mark bourbon in short glasses with some ice and no cranky husbands allowed. Pass me a cabana boy.
Comments (5)
You can do it! And the dream sounds a little freaky, but kinda fun.
Try the pills. See if they help. It's hard. But, you can do it!
you sound really frustrated. i'm sorry to hear about the relationship problems. everyone has them, though, so don't feel like you're the only one. you sound self actualized enough to know what you need and want from a relationship. I hope you end up getting it. It's not easy to have a child, despite what so many men think. I admire your endurance.
those pictures on your banner and wacky and cool. I dig.
ahhh we are sisters in nicotine. I hate loving them.
I am sending you brain-wave strengthening vibrations~~~~. Did ya feel 'em?
It was four years for me last December. I can honestly say I no longer crave them now, but not so in the past. Hell, I smoked for a year after I was diagnosed with cancer!!! I admire your determination. Just keep thinking of your daughter. It really helped me to make my house a totally smoke free zone. I did not smoke in front of my kid, and only smoked outside. Friends who smoked were in the same boat, and only complained a little...except maybe in the winter. Where you live there should be no problem heading out of doors to light up!
You can do it, kiddo.
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